What Would You Do If...?

What would you tend to say or do in the following scenes?

1.	You see a pasta dish on a menu that looks good but you’re not sure how it is prepared.  

I would                                                                                   

2.	Two co-workers want to go to a fast food restaurant for lunch. You’d rather go to a restaurant that offers more low-fat/calorie options.

I would                                                                                       

3.	Your order a salad with dressing on the side.  It arrives with the dressing on the salad. 

I would                                                                      

4.	You’ve planned to go walking with a friend after work.  When you meet him at his house, he takes 30 minutes to get ready, which means you’ll have to cut the walk short.    

I would                                                                                   

5.	Your spouse complains that you are exercising too much and not spending enough time with the family.

I would                                                                                   

Aggressive, Passive, or Assertive?

Is Person A being aggressive, passive, or assertive in each scene below?

Scene 1  	9 Aggressive  9 Passive  9 Assertive

A: 	Didn’t you say you would do the laundry last night?
B:		I just didn’t get to it, with everything else that needed to be done. 
A:	Well, when are you going to do it?
B:		Not right now.  I just got home from work.
A:	If you’re not going to help with the laundry, just say so.
B:		I’ll do it, but not right this minute.  Just get off my back about it.

Scene 2		9 Aggressive  9 Passive  9 Assertive

A:	Would you be willing to watch the kids so I could go for a walk?
B:		Not tonight.  I brought a lot of work home that needs to be done by the morning.
A:	I really hate to bother you, but I need to get my walk in somehow.
B:		Well, I have a deadline, and you know my boss.
A:	Okay.  I understand.  You work really hard, and I appreciate that.

Scene 3		9 Aggressive  9 Passive  9 Assertive

A:	Sue and Jim are coming for dinner on Saturday night.  I think I’ll make that stir-fried chicken recipe we like.
B:		Not again!  Can’t we have fried chicken once in a while?  We used to have it all the time.
A:	Well, I’m really trying to cook low-fat most of the time so I keep losing weight.  It’s really made a big difference.  Sue’s watching her weight, too. 
B:		But Jim likes fried chicken as much as I do.
A:	I have an idea.  You and Jim like steak, so how about you grill a steak, and I’ll make the stir-fry?  That way, everybody’s happy.  I think I can get a nice lean steak at that new market on Fifth Avenue.

Target Areas

In what kind of situations would you like to be more assertive?
9	Asking for something (such as help, cooperation, a service or favor, a date or appointment, negotiating for something I want)

	Give a real-life example                                                                  

9	Disagreeing with someone (saying “no,” speaking up about something that annoys me, responding when someone criticizes me unfairly, responding when I’ve been cheated, speaking up when I have a different opinion)

	Give a real-life example                                                                  

9	Taking charge (talking when everyone is looking at me, proposing an idea, dealing with someone who refuses to cooperate, dealing with someone who tries to make me feel guilty)

	Give a real-life example                                                                  

9	Other situations                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

With whom would you like to be more assertive?
9	Spouse or mate
9	Parents
9	Children
9	Other relatives
9	Employer
9	Co-workers, classmates
9	Old friends
9	Acquaintances
9	Strangers
9	Sales people, clerks, hired help
9	In a group of more than two or three people

9	Authority figures
9	Others                                                                                                                          
Assertive Statements Worksheet

Assertive statements have three basic parts:

1.	Facts...  (Describe.  Stick to the facts.  Don’t blame or make assumptions about the thoughts or feelings of others.)

2.	Feelings...  (Use “I statements” about your own emotional reaction to the problem.  Don’t imply that the other person is responsible for your feelings.  Don’t blame or try to prove the other person wrong.)

3.	Wants...  (Ask for a specific behavior change.  For example, instead of asking your spouse who is late to “be more considerate,” ask that he or she call you if more than 15 minutes late.)

Practice writing assertive statements below.

1.  Facts                                                                                         

2.  Feelings                                                                                       
3.  Wants                                                                                         

1.  Facts                                                                                         

2.  Feelings                                                                                       
3.  Wants                                                                                         

1.  Facts                                                                                         

2.  Feelings                                                                                       
3.  Wants                                                                                         
Practice Situations

Asking for something

1.	Practice asking a friend or neighbor to make a regular date to walk or go to the gym together. 
2.	Practice asking a waitress to ask the cook how a pasta dish with sauce is typically prepared.  
3.	Practice asking your spouse to watch the kids while you go for a walk before or after work three times a week.	
4.	Practice asking a waitress to ask the cook to prepare a pasta dish without any fat.
5.	Practice asking a group you belong to (e.g., committee, club) to meet at a different time so the meeting doesn’t conflict with your regular time to exercise.

Disagreeing with someone

1.	Practice telling a waitress that a dish was not prepared as you requested.
2.	Practice saying “no” to the head of an organization you belong to (e.g., volunteer group, church) who has asked you to join a committee that will meet too often for you to have time to exercise.
3.	Practice disagreeing with a co-worker about what restaurant to go to for lunch.
4.	Practice disagreeing with a spouse about the high-fat/calorie foods on your traditional Sunday dinner menu. 
5.	Practice saying “no” to a family member (e.g., your teenager) who wants you to do something (e.g., drive her to the mall) at a time that conflicts with your scheduled time for an aerobics class.
   
Taking charge
1.	Practice suggesting that a friend or spouse give you something else (e.g., a favorite magazine, hand lotion) instead of candy as a reward or gift.
2.	Practice proposing that you and your family go on a biking or hiking trip for vacation this year.
3.	Practice responding to a friend or spouse who criticizes your choice of food at a restaurant.
4.	Practice telling your spouse/children you want to spend the evening roller skating (or another physical activity) instead of getting pizza and a movie.
5.	Practice telling a spouse or your children that you will get a babysitter to watch the kids so you can go to an exercise class.